We all have challenges. We struggle with things that often go beyond what others see. We lay our heads down at night and often still feel that struggle.
Silently.
We tell no one. We fight it.
We wake the next day like nothing is weighing on us…and we stay busy.
You know what it feels like. You fight it too.
But like a painful tooth reminding you that you missed your last dentist appointment, it nags.
And it doesn’t let go. And in the midst of your morning coffee as you run out the door, the swirl of emotion driving to your next place of chaos grips even tighter, like your hands on the steering wheel in traffic, knowing you will now be late.
And you wanted it yesterday.
All that you believe to be yours.
You wanted to be that already.
And the traffic that is holding you back is causing the grip to grow tighter.
And the swirl in your coffee cup to make you dizzy… from too much stop and go.
You wanted that promotion and the love you felt you deserved, and the 3 kids to be grown up, and the wedding of promises and bliss. And the paycheck that made it all go away.
And you wanted the chaos to stop swirling.
And you wanted it yesterday.
And you stand at the microwave and count the seconds. And as your lunch barely gets warm, you snatch it out like it was to blame.
And you wanted it hot, but you couldn’t wait.
And as you leave to go home, the same traffic you drove in with earlier is following you back.
And the cold remnants of the morning’s coffee continue to swirl.
Like your emotions and the struggle that pulls you home.
And it’s always about what you wanted to be, and what you should have accomplished by now, and who you are that no one knows.
And your patience runs thin.
“I’m tired” You manage to mutter to anyone who will listen.
It hides the emotions and feelings you keep in.
And then you realize the patience isn’t really about what you are feeling for the traffic and the coffee and the lunch that was barely hot in the 2 and a half minutes you gave it to be hot.
Your patience with yourself, when you look in the mirror, when you fall short time and time again, when you didn’t finish rearranging the closet or the laundry that is piled high or shopping list that lays crumpled in the bottom of your purse.
When you fall short.
Your patience does too.
And you realize it’s not about the stuff.
It’s about the love you have taken away.
And the only way to correct that is to sit still.
In the silence of the day when nothing else can calm the chaos.
When you don’t want to.
When your emotions are swirling the loudest.
To just be…
And to be ok with what is.
And in that moment you will truly know….
That the greatest love you can give is the patience to be still in the midst of it all.
And in that stillness you find all that you are.
And it is good.
